I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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