Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
