Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
