clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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