did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize