are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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