Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Damn victory sex feels great
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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