Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
