Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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