I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
