bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
