Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
