Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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