His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
