I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
