The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize