Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
