I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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