Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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