Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
