So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
