do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
