My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I want to fling myself into the sun
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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