i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
