It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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