my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
