Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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