the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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