My friends, they love my intelligence
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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