Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
whose parrot is this?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize