Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
