Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize