U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
