ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
