everyone is single if you try hard enough
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
