is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
