I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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