Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
