I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
