I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She's the barista slut.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
