Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
