I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I deserve this hangover.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
