I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
