I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the day after is always just damage control
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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