I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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