Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize