This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
