I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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