1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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