he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
