you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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