i think my tv is drunk
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
