I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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