so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
