Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
