So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
