The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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