two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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