he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
