When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
