I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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