My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You were trust falling into bushes
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
