Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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