His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
