I'm lost and stupid without you.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
