I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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