I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
