i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
