I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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