So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
