Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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