Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
