Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
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