it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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