I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
