is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
