i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
