I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Randomize
