I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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