i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
