my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
