Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
