I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
