remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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