In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
