I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
