ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
