i think my tv is drunk
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
