they need to just BURY HIM!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
