Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
