Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
