Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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