he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
