well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
what the fuck happened to the tacos
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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