You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
