Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
