Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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