ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
