I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
im holly from the hills drunk
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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