Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I love you. Go after that dick
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