i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
