You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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